Always - A short tale of erotic discovery Read online

  Finally in the summer, Billy Ray asked me to move in with him into his little cottage he lived in on his dad’s farm. It was just a cute basic two bedroom dwelling. Okay, I know it really was a small cottage with all the basic living necessities. It had just been only Billy Ray living there for a few years so it really lacked a woman’s touch. I set out to decorate the place changing it from a bachelor pad to a loving home. He said I could do whatever I wanted to do to fix it up, whatever else it needed. Help it make feel more like home, making it really comfy a loving place for just the two of us. It was by then late summer. Billy Ray was really busy working long hours with his dad to get the farm ready for the coming winter. This left me pretty much on my own for long periods decorating the cottage, often trying different styles to just get it right.

  First, we picked out some neutral colors to repaint the cottage walls. We had fun together painting whenever we had time spare. Usually when he wasn’t busy on the farm, or me at the café. I added a few knick knacks and furnishings to make it look and feel more like a real cozy home. I even found some nice material at the fabric shop in town to make some bright new curtains. When I had finished, they brightened the cottage making it the happy home which was ours and ours alone finally rid of the bachelor pad look, thank god.

  When I’d finished everything. I invited Baylee to have her take as to how the cottage looked now that it was no longer the bachelor pad it once was. I was so pleased and really proud with all the hard work Billy Ray and I had put into the cottage. She loved everything we had done to the place since she had seen it last. But for some reason, she seemed to know her way around which struck me as odd. I soon banished the thought out of my mind. We spent a great girlie afternoon painting our nails then doing each other’s hair in different styles. We were having a great afternoon with abit of wine, lots of girlie talk and town gossip added in the mix. Time flew by and before I knew it, Billy Ray arrived home. Since we had such an enjoyable afternoon, I asked Baylee if she wanted to stay for dinner with us. She had no other plans for that night so she did. We had a few more wines with dinner and there was no way anyone was driving anywhere. I insisted she stay the night and she agreed. Early the next morning we had breakfast and then I drove her back home. I told her I’d really enjoyed our day and told her she was more than welcome to come over again whenever she felt like it. She’d always be welcome in our home. We were such great friends and really felt more like we were sisters. She agreed.

  Baylee remarked that Billy Ray and I were so cute being in love and happy never being able to be apart for long. Usually only his or my work separated us both. Finally I was feeling like my life was complete, almost too good to be true but life had disappointed me often, could it last this time? I was so happy once again. In love. And almost blind to anything happening around me. It was just so unbelievable. I felt like I was living my dream life.

  I discovered one horrible day, not all of us seemed to be as happy as I thought.

  I had to leave work early one day because I had such a splitting headache. I couldn’t concentrate on work properly and I kept making mistakes with the customers’ orders. My boss Mel finally told me to go home. I’d worked hard all morning due to being rushed off my feet with so many customers. Things were quite hectic with the late summer’s town fair drawing many tourists. I think the whole town too had decided to eat in the café today. Well it sure felt like it anyway. Everyone and anyone seemed to want breakfast and lunch in our small café today. None of us girls had time for a break or to scratch ourselves even. Busy taking orders, bringing the orders to their tables, then cleaning up and starting the whole process over again. Every person wanted at least one coffee refill if not more. The shift seemed to last forever.

  Things had quietened down in the afternoon. They would cope without me. Mel told me to leave then and go on home. She could tell I was unable to focus since I was in so much pain. She literally ended up pushing me out the door to go home.

  Well that was the fateful day, my headache was about to get worse and my world was about to be shattered forever ending all the happiness I had ever known once again.

  I was driving home slowly. My head was pounding so much, the pain behind my eye balls was unbearable. I didn’t want to have an accident on the way home either. I was glad when I finally arrived home still in one piece. I so wanted to grab some Advil for my headache, take a hot soothing bath and then have a lie down. I needed peace and quiet so badly. I was hoping my headache would be gone before Billy Ray got home from work.

  I heard a noise snapping me back to reality. It made me gasp sharply since I was the only one that should be home. I was down in the kitchen. Alone. It sounded like something getting knocked over and sounding like the noise was coming from the direction of my bedroom.

  I grabbed the nearest thing to me, the hair brush I had left on the counter. A brush, God knows what harm I thought I was going to do to a burglar with that…especially if they were armed and dangerous as well.

  Cautiously, I began tiptoeing my way down the hallway. My brush ready in hand, I headed in the direction of my bedroom. I reached the closed bedroom door. I held my breath looking at the door knob. I tried to listen through the door for any noises from inside but my pounding headache along with my pounding heart I couldn’t hear anything coming from anywhere.

  Finally gathering up my courage. I finally put my hand gently on the door handle. I flung the door open, with my brush ready for whatever evil that lay within. There laying in our bed, now obviously stunned by my sudden appearance, were my Billy Ray and my best friend Baylee.

  I gasped with the sudden shock seeing the two of them laying there naked in my bed during their sex act. Sucking in a big breath of disbelief, my heart stopped beating for a moment at the shock and betrayal happening at the same time. I looked in stunned horror at the sight before my eyes: both of them there soiling my sheets, in my bed in the house I shared with the love of my life, my Billy Ray.

  Baylee saw me first standing there and started screaming while trying to struggle to get out from under Billy Ray. Repeating over and over again “Oh my god! Oh my god! No, no, no!”

  Billy quickly looked around to see what she was screaming at. He realized soon enough that it was my sudden appearance during their passionate moment that caused Baylee to lose it. Their moment of bliss interrupted as I stood there. Me. In my house. In my bedroom. How dare they?

  Quickly jumping up in shock with horror written all over his face, he fumbled to find his clothes.

  Meanwhile Baylee at least had the decency to pull the sheet up to cover herself. Still continuing to yell “Oh my god! Oh my god!” while shaking her head in disbelief at what was happening, she couldn’t get untangled fast enough to get either her clothes on or vanish in thin air. And it wasn’t like he was going to help her I thought.

  I had to cover my ears. I couldn’t bear to hear it anymore so I screamed. Squeezing my eyes shut trying to forget what I just seen. I just want to rewind the moment. Unfortunately, I knew I was going to be forever haunted by what I had just witnessed. I couldn’t get the scene out of my head. I could still picture the two of them with my eyes closed tight. The image burned in my mind and in my heart. Both of them had betrayed me. I may have been abused and belittled. I had recovered somewhat from that. Now I had been betrayed and hurt more by the two people who I thought loved me. Which felt much worse to me than any of the physical hurt and abuse I had lived through before in my life. I felt my heart had been ripped out of my chest and made to watch it get stamped on. Here was my trust getting waved mockingly at me too. I was beyond stunned and speechless. Just numb, so numb.

  Dropping the brush on the floor. I felt my hands begin to clench into fists. So tight my knuckles were turning white. I felt myself falling to the floor in a sorry heap. My legs all rubberlike no longer having any strength, nor the energy to carry me fleeing screaming from the bedroom. My emotions were overwhelming me thus me paralyzing with pain and shock.

/>   My heart was shattering into a million pieces and with it, my world collapsing all around me. The two people I thought I could trust most in my whole life were messing around in my bed, the bed I shared with the love of my life. I could feel the steel starting to form again ready to close around my heart imprisoning it once again. For how long this time? I knew it would be forever this time. Now nothing would be able to free it ever again. I doubled over, uncaring as my heart died forever at that exact moment. I curled up in a ball, on the floor, tears flooding down my face and a million emotions overwhelming me.

  I broke out in uncontrollable sobbing. I couldn’t help it. My life was hurting and it wasn’t my fault. What had I done wrong? My life, once a void and made better now was going to be empty once again. Me alone with my lonely imprisoned heart again, without Billy Ray, he had betrayed me and there was no going back…no going back to seek comfort nor counsel from Baylee either, she too had betrayed me. Once again back to my imperfect self of my younger days. I thought no one would ever dare to break my loving heart ever again. I was wrong; he just did in one foul swoop, they both did.

  I don’t know how long I lay there in a tight ball sobbing for my broken heart, and my broken life. It could have been a second, a minute, a lifetime, I didn’t care.

  He finally moved away from her and the bed coming over to where I lay. He knelt down next to me taking hold of my hand, putting it up to his cheek. Vaguely hearing him through my haze as he was crying at me about how sorry he was. He said he was so sorry again and again. He promised he was going to make things alright once again. It would never ever happen again as far as I was concerned. He was going to make things alright with us again he promised. I couldn’t make out the exact words as it all sounded like I was in an echo chamber. How could he? It would certainly never happen again as far as I was concerned. I didn’t know, if I could ever believe those words coming out of his mouth. My beau, the love of my life, had finally broken me forever, his words were nothing but empty now, meaningless. All we had built up over the past few months destroyed by an act of passion with someone else.

  I don’t think I could ever come back again this time: all the old emotions, the flashbacks of those events from the past that had so hurt me, all the empty words all came flooding back in a huge wave. My flame, which had been burning brightly, was extinguished forever this time. It had taken the last bit of damage it could ever take again. It was now irrevocably damaged. All these thoughts rushing by me at light speed.

  I could hear him from afar yelling at her to leave now. I heard her yelling back she couldn’t. She’d got dropped off. She’d needed someone to give her a ride home. It was too far for her to walk home alone and was night on top of that. Obviously she also decided now would be a good time to get up from the bed and get herself dressed. So much damage done and she was worried about her ride home? She couldn’t leave fast enough. Neither could he.

  Sighing as he pulled me up onto his lap from where I lay on the floor, he cradled me in his arms. He carried me over to the sofa in the lounge. He put me gently down. He could have dropped me and I wouldn’t have felt a thing. I was glad. He at least hadn’t put me in our bed which he’d just soiled with her. Suddenly I wondered if they’d done it there before and how often making me feel sick to the stomach. At this point, it just didn’t matter anymore. Grimacing with pain at that thought, I never wanted to know. Not now. Not ever.

  He bent down whispering in my ear “Sorry baby! I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking it just happened.” I felt his tears wetting my face. “Look baby, I’m so sorry. I’ll have to leave you for a little bit okay! Just to go take Baylee home. I’ll come right back I promise. We’ll talk then okay. I’ll make it up to you, I promise. I swear to god, I will never do this to you ever again. Oh god what have I done” rubbing his hands on his face.

  I just lay there on the sofa. Still stunned. More Numb. No longer sobbing. Only silent tears pouring down my face once again. I felt so alone, lonely, unwanted, now he was leaving me again to take her home. He would be alone with her once again. Why couldn’t he stay with me? I was the broken one here, wasn’t I? Surely he could find someone else to take her home. Call her a damn taxi! Make the bitch wait outside!

  Guess I knew then at that moment, despite what he said, where I stood in his heart and in life.

  Rejected once again. I felt in my current emotional shattered state, I was ready to give up.

  Giving me a rushed kiss on the cheek, I heard the two of them leave. The door slamming, the truck doors being opened and slamming too, his truck starting then driving away.

  Finally deciding I was unable to take anymore, I finally found some strength to get up off the sofa. Staggering along on shaky legs, I made my way to the bathroom. I finally knew what I was going to do. This was the point of no return. What did I have to return to? More lies, more betrayal or his weak attempts to cover it all up? No, I knew what I had to do.

  Going through the medicine cabinet, I pulled all the tablets out. I grabbed the glass on the counter to fill it with water. I shakily undid the lid on the first bottle. I didn’t even know what they were. I didn’t bother to read the labels. I just wanted to pour all the pills in my hand then put them all in my mouth. At once. I did so quickly with the water I had in the glass, slipping lots on the countertop. Grabbing the next bottle, I was soon pouring more pills in my hand swallowing them down to join the first lot. Then again with another bottle, dropping some on the floor since my hands were shaking so much. Tears continued to pour down my face….damn him, he had finally wrecked me. Broken me. Maybe forever this time. I wanted this pain to stop. Now and forever.

  I figured that would probably be enough. I left the bathroom. I began walking shakily, slowly, sobbing again while on my way to the front door taking in the room trying to memorize everything in its place. Unable to see through my tears. I needed the wall for support. I sent some ornaments flying when I banged into the hall table. I fell to my knees. I began crawling the rest of the way to the door since I couldn’t trust my legs. What could I trust now?

  Why me? Why did Billy Ray and Baylee do this to me? Why? Why? Why? Questions that I’ll never hear any answer to, nor believe now anyway. Both knew my past. Still, they did this to me.

  Finally reaching the front door. I grabbed hold of the handle to pull myself up on my shaky legs.

  I began walking out the front door without even a backward glance. I wasn’t going backwards, just forward. I soon found myself walking across the garden towards the tall cornfields. Where I knew nobody would see me walking among the tall stalks. I was walking through them running my hands along their leaves. I walked along maybe trying to feel something. Nothing. I was starting to feel dizzy now, along with feeling very shaky.

  I found a spot to lay down in. Very lightheaded, I was feeling like I was going to pass out at any point. I dropped to my knees, crying. Again. Feeling so hurt, empty and broken. Before falling to all fours as my strength began to leave me, I collapsed on my side feeling like I was in a misty dreamy state. It made me finally smile.

  Finally I would soon be happy. No longer a broken hearted shell. No longer having to feel any more pain. No more people betraying me or causing me pain. No more having to live with this steel imprisoned heart of mine. No more lies, no more pain, nothing. I would soon be free forever.

  My eyelids were starting to feel so heavy now. I was starting to feel so tired like I was going to faint anytime soon. Everything was spinning but still at the same time. I looked around getting one lasting glimpse of the cornfields in the sun but unable to focus. I saw just a blur of colors.

  I could feel the heat of the sun against my skin but nothing else as the world around me was becoming way more out of focus. I was no longer trying nor willing to see it.

  My eyes closed as I felt like I was slipping into a void. Billy Ray’s words echoing in my thoughts, remembering and reliving his last kiss this morning tasting of coffee. “I will always love you f
orever Billy Ray.” I had told him.

  My world collapsing on me. No longer feeling anything. My breathing becoming more labored now. Everything was getting so dark despite staring at the bright sky. I’m so tired I can’t even keep my eyes open anymore. My last gasp coming as I breathe a deep sigh. I felt overtaken by a peace like I had never known before.

  After a moment of darkness lasting how long, I do not know. I suddenly see and feel the brightest light surrounding me after all my darkness. A light so soft, bright and so warm. I feel so light, free in my heart and in my soul such pure happiness. Ah, pure happiness like I had never known before. Here, I will be safe forever now. I can sense it deep inside me. No one can hurt me anymore. No one will betray me. No one will tell me lies. No more false hopes. Not in this place I find myself in.

  My eyes reopen. I think I open my eyes. I gasp as I feel supercharged with this incredible energy fueling me. Filling my senses. For no reason that I can understand. I begin running happily. I run towards a form in the distance. Soon I realize I am running towards the open arms of my beloved mama I see waiting in the distance. How is this possible? What is this place? God, I am looking at myself there, I look so much like her. Instantly I know I will feel safe and happy in her arms once again. I reach her, she smiles then as her arms are enclosing me, she’s kissing me, and welcoming me. Finally able to feel all her love, her warmth, and being in her arms once again. I feel at peace, fully and completely free. In my momma’s loving arms forever this time. I didn’t want to let go ever again. I swear I heard her say, “Welcome home my baby, and you, my beloved daughter are home and safe. Now, forever, and always”…